


A Fic(kle) Thing

by ricekrispyjoints



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkwardness, Birthday, Birthday Presents, Characters Reading Fanfiction, Dragon Age: Inquisition - Freeform, Gen, I Will Not Apologize For Art, Mistakes Are Made, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Secret Identity Fail, but really this got so meta, hinata writes fanfiction, i know almost nothing about video games, kuroo regrets life choices, oh gosh this got so meta, sorry at gamers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5621530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ricekrispyjoints/pseuds/ricekrispyjoints
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuroo Tetsurou is the best friend ever.<br/>No, really: Kenma’s birthday is coming up, and normally he’d just buy him a game or give him Steam credit, but this year, he thinks up something even better.<br/>The cunning captain of Nekoma Academy is going to commission a work of fanfiction for his best friend.<br/>It’s perfect, because if Kenma’s not playing a game, he’s reading fic about a game. And what would be cooler than getting a fic that was written for you? </p><p>Or: Kuroo thinks he's clever and he just ends up making a fool of himself</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fic(kle) Thing

**Author's Note:**

> As the tags say i have a slightly above zero knowledge of DA or any video games, so thanks to my beta cloudmonstachopper and siseja for their assistance on that end
> 
> "this is gonna be a super short fic" they said  
> "like no more than 2k" they said  
> "oh crap it's like twice that" they said
> 
> get ready to cringe~

Hinata Shouyou has a secret.

Well, okay, it’s not a _super_ -secret, but nobody knows about it.

He is the moderately internet-famous (if you’re looking in the right place) fanfiction author, Oneshot_Hero.

Back in middle school, it was just a way to cope with his own pansexuality. Now, a couple years later, he’s made a name for himself writing about characters from popular shows in gay relationships. It’s nice, Hinata thinks, to imagine – as the internet says—“your faves are gay.”

His fic blog has about three thousand followers, and each of his fics have a neat collection of kudos and comments that serve as real confidence booster for his writing skills. He may get awful grades in school, but for what it’s worth, he’s good at this.

When he and Kenma start chatting online, Kenma asks what Shouyou likes to do online. Hinata’s never been a big gamer, so he talks about shows he’s watching, and how he likes looking at fanart sometimes.

“Do you read fanfiction?” Kenma asks, curious.

Hinata knows that Kenma isn’t being judgmental—this is Kenma, who is about as “roll with the punches” as anyone Hinata has ever met.

“Um… sometimes,” he admits sheepishly. Judgment or no, it’s still embarrassing to admit to on some level.

“Cool, so do I. Mostly for video games, but I read stuff from a few shows here and there. Who do you ship?” he asks casually, and the conversation rolls on from there.

 

Over the next week or so, Hinata finds himself sharing links back and forth with Kenma, until Kenma pops up on Skype with a new link.

**applepi:** _this author writes a lot of stuff I think you might like._

And when Hinata looks at the url, he knows.

Clicking the link, he is taken to his own fanfiction blog.

He honestly shouldn’t be surprised that Kenma found it, but at the same time he’s panicking a little. He’s admitted to _reading_ fic, but _writing_ it is something different all together. Especially since most of Hinata’s fics in the past few months have been rated M.

First and foremost, Hinata is glad that they’re not doing a video call, because if Kenma asks why his response takes so long, he can claim he went to the bathroom or something.

(Not that Kenma would ask.)

Does he tell him? Or should he just say “thanks” and pretend like it never happened?

Thinking it over, Hinata thinks maybe it would be good to tell Kenma. He’s one of his two best friends, and he’ll take it a hell of a lot better than his other best friend, Kageyama.

He starts typing.

**Future Ace (*•̀ᴗ•́*)** **و ̑̑:** _Haha so funny story_

Kenma doesn’t reply immediately so Hinata decides to just barrel through.

**Future Ace (*•̀ᴗ•́*)** **و ̑̑:** _That’s actually my fic blog_

**Future Ace (*•̀ᴗ•́*)** **و ̑̑:** _I’m Oneshot_Hero_

He switches screens to his history essay for a minute, which is still disappointingly blank except for his name and the date at the top of the page.

Finally, the Skype logo starts glowing, and he opens the chat window.

**applepi:** _You’re a good writer, shouyou_

That’s not what he was expecting at all.

**Future Ace (*•̀ᴗ•́*)** **و ̑̑:** _You read my stuff?_

**applepi:** _of course, why would I link you if I hadn’t read it_

**applepi:** _you’re really good, shouyou._

**Future Ace (*•̀ᴗ•́*)** **و ̑̑:** _^w^ thanks Kenma!_

 

Hinata Shouyou has a secret.

Well, okay, it’s not a _super_ -secret, but only one person, Kozume Kenma, knows about it.

 

 

***

 

Kuroo Tetsurou is the _best_ friend ever.

No, really: Kenma’s birthday is coming up, and normally he’d just buy him a game or give him Steam credit, but this year, he thinks up something even better.

The cunning captain of Nekoma Academy is going to commission a work of fanfiction for his best friend.

It’s perfect, because if Kenma’s not playing a game, he’s reading fic about a game. And what would be cooler than getting a fic that was written _for_ you?

Kuroo’s talents at creative writing are woefully nonexistent, and he thinks it might be kind of weird to write porn for your friend.

Finding someone to write the fic can’t be that hard—Kuroo knows there’s thousands of writers out there that would happily accept money to write something. The trick, of course, is going to be figuring out what kind of fic he should commission.

One day after school when they’re studying quietly, Kenma gets up to excuse himself to the bathroom.

Sending up a silent apology for snooping, he dashes over to Kenma’s laptop, hitting the spacebar frantically to wake it up.

It’s password protected, but Kenma’s password has been the same since he first got computer privileges, so Kuroo types it in— _nekonyah._ He opens the internet browser and finds Kenma’s history, looking for fanfiction links.

He finds two common themes in his thirty second mad-dash through the digital annals of his friend’s life:

  1. Repeated searches through a tag labeled Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus;



and

  1. About twenty fics by the same author.



He takes a picture with his phone and closes the tab. He hears the toilet flush and feels a bead of sweat drip down his forehead.

 _Almost there_ , he thinks, putting the laptop back to hibernate mode and throwing himself back on his homework pile.

He’s pretending to read about osmosis when Kenma’s soft footsteps come back down the hall.

 _Bless you and your meticulous hand cleaning,_ Kuroo thinks with relief. Kenma insists he just likes the smell of soap and the feel of the suds on his hands, but Kuroo is just grateful that it worked in his favor today.

 

That night, he looks up the author, finds his blog, and tries to send a message. He gets an error message that he has to be a member to send a private message, so he hastily creates an account.

**To: Oneshot_Hero**

_Hey do you do commissions? My friend’s a huge fan and his birthday is soon. He reads a lot of your stuff and super likes iron bull/dorian pavus. What do you charge and how much time would you need? Thanks man_

He hits send and leans back in his desk chair, hands behind his head.

“I am _so_ good,” he says aloud.

 

***

 

When Hinata gets home from school and volleyball practice, he’s too tired for homework. Logically, he should get it done before he gets _more_ tired, as his mom always pesters him, but first he needs to recharge.

He logs onto tumblr, and sees that he has a few new private messages for his fic blog. Most of them are fanmail and he really doesn’t know how to respond to them because his reactions out loud are not easy to write down, so he saves them up to answer in big waves.

There is, however, one message that looks different than the other six.

**From: ohox3**

_Hey do you do commissions?_

He reads the rest of the message, and then he reads it again.

Someone wants… to pay him? To write fanfiction?

Hinata knows that commissions exist, he just never dreamed that someone would want to commission _him_.

He frowns at the ship though: he vaguely recognizes the names, probably from Kenma. A quick google search reveals that they are indeed video game characters from the Dragon Age series.

He doesn’t know the ship, and honestly being asked to write something for money makes him feel all kinds of nervous.

He starts to type up a reply:

_Hi, I’m really glad your friend likes my writing! I’m really sorry though, I don’t know that ship and I_

He stops typing.

Maybe it would be fun. He won’t charge much, in case it’s terrible. 

**To: ohox3**

_Hi, I’m so glad your friend likes my writing! If you can tell me more about what kind of fic you want? How long, any particular setting or plot, rating, that kind of thing. I’ve never played Dragon Age, so I don’t really know the characters. If you tell me more about that, I might be able to write something for you. Let me know!_

He rereads his message and decides it’s good enough: it shows interest but not commitment.

 

He gets a reply not five minutes later as he’s scrolling lazily through his dash.

**To: Oneshot_Hero**

_Yeah, so something short? I mean, his birthday is in two weeks. It can be explicit—is that weird to commission porn for your friend? Haha so their people are kinda enemies, but dorian’s a gay mage and iron bull is into anyone and pretty laid back? I’m not really sure bc I don’t read fic myself… so whatever is easiest for you!_

 

Something short is what Hinata’s good at. His brain kind of shuts down after five thousand words whether he’s reading or writing anyway.

He’s a little unsure of the characterizations, but he figures he can read a few fics to get an idea of fanon and go from there. Hinata’s thinking college roommates AU for a hint of domesticity…

He’s actually going to do this, isn’t he?

**To: ohox3**

_How about 2k modern AU kinda pwp? Should I keep it M instead of E since it’s for a friend? I guess… 500_ _¥ ?_

Ohox3 responds almost immediately again.

**To: Oneshot_Hero**

_I honestly don’t know what most of that means, but I’ll trust you. It’s gotta be more than 500. How about 2000¥? I wanna pay you for your time, and that was my budget anyway_

Hinata blushes. He’s never even had a job before, so the only time he gets money is on his birthday or Christmas. 2000¥ would be… well, he’s no good at math, but it would be _so_ many meat buns.

He feels bad taking that much money, though—it’s four times as much as his first suggestion.

**To: ohox3**

_I can’t take 2000. 1000?_

He can’t believe he’s bartering _down_ of all things, but he would feel bad taking that much money.

**To: Oneshot_Hero**

_Let’s call it 1500, and you can give me an extra paragraph._

Reluctantly, Hinata accepts, and opens a new tab to start reading some sample fics in the ship tag so he has a better idea of what he’s just gotten himself into.

 

***

**Future Ace (*•̀ᴗ•́*)** **و ̑̑:** _Kenma! Kenma guess what !! (O_ _∇O)_

The Skype notification blares through Kenma’s headphones, jostling him out of his concentration on the fic he was reading. He’s close to falling asleep at his keyboard, but he really wants to finish this update before bed.

**applepi:** _hi shouyou_

**Future Ace (*•̀ᴗ•́*)** **و ̑̑:** _someone PAID me to write a fic for them !!!!_ _｡(*^_ _▽^*)_ _ゞ_

**applepi:** _that’s really cool. Did you write it already?_

**Future Ace (*•̀ᴗ•́*)** **و ̑̑:** _not yet, but soon!_

**applepi:** _I’m happy for you shouyou_

Kenma wonders vaguely at what kind of fic it is, but he’s too tired to continue the conversation. He bids Shouyou a goodnight, and opens up the fic he was reading on his phone.

He’ll ask another time.

 

***

 

One week and four days later, Hinata’s homework has certainly suffered more than usual, but he’s got 2300 words of M-rated, super gay, video game characters doin’ the do fic. He’s worried they’re out of character, but then this piece is pretty light on characterization and pretty heavy on the fucking.

He gulps, blushing.

He re-reads it three more times, editing as he goes, determined to make it worth the price ohox3 is paying for it. After debating internally over the placement of several questionable commas, he declares it good enough.

He kind of wishes he had a beta reader, but he doesn’t have time to find one _and_ get it edited and back to ohox3 by the deadline.

He does a little research, makes a PayPal account, and messages ohox3 that the commission is ready.

 

***

 

“Happy birthday, best friend!” Kuroo says, grabbing Kenma around the shoulders for a weird sort of hug and hair ruffling.

“Quit it, Kuro,” he says with an eyeroll and raising a hand to fix his hair where it’s been mussed.

“So, do you feel older and wiser?” Kuroo asks.

“Sure,” Kenma says dryly.

“After practice tonight, you should come over, and I’ll give you your present.”

“Ah, my parents said they’re doing a big family dinner for me tonight. Can I come over tomorrow?”

Kenma’s not a huge fan of big family dinners, because it usually means that his aunt, uncle, and four little cousins are coming over, but he got to pick the menu, and he knows there’s going to be an apple pie for dessert.

He can’t miss it.

“Or you could come to dinner,” he offers. “Mom said my grandparents sent me gifts, so I could open yours with them."

“Hah!” Kuroo chokes, and Kenma looks at him quizzically. “No, um, this is… you should really _not_ open it in front of your family.”

Kenma blushes, thinking of all sorts of horrible things Kuro could have gotten for him that his parents shouldn’t see.

“Please tell me you didn’t buy me condoms or something awful,” Kenma, wrinkling his nose.

“No, no, I think you’ll like it—honest! I just don’t think your parents… Just trust me, Kenma,” he says. His voice is genuine, though the light playing in his eyes is suspicious.

Kenma sighs. “Well, you can still come to dinner, if you want. My mom told me to invite you anyway.”

“You wouldn’t have invited me anyway? I’m hurt, Kenma.”

“You know what I meant,” Kenma says impatiently.

“Yeah, but it’s more fun to tease you.”

“This is why I wouldn’t have invited you,” he snarks, and Kuroo grabs his chest and stages a dramatic death scene on the public sidewalk.

“Get up, Kuro; people are staring.”

“Foresaken… by my best friend!” he wails, and Kenma decides to cut his losses and walk away from his ridiculous friend.

“Help me, Obi-wan Kenma! You’re my only hope!”

“Wow, that sucks,” Kenma calls back to him.

“Kenma!” he whines, picking himself up off the ground and jogging to catch up.

“Are you coming to dinner?” he asks, pulling out his phone.

“Yeah, I’m always here for your mom’s cooking.”

“So you’re not coming over for me? Kuro, I’m hurt,” Kenma deadpans.

“Touché, you cheeky little muffin.”

 

Dinner is a bit noisy for Kenma’s taste, but his cousins are getting old enough that they’re not little yelling messes at the table anymore, which is a nice change.

His mother coos over Kuroo as usual, asks him about school and graduation and girls and Kenma just rolls his eyes with a sigh and watches his youngest cousin try to shove huge pieces of food in his mouth.

After dinner, Kuroo clears the dishes and Kenma’s mother brings the box that his grandmother sent him. His mother’s expectant look tells him she knows what it is, and also that he probably won’t like it.

To his surprise, he opens the box to find a deep teal-colored yukata. He runs a hand over the fabric, admiring it for a moment.

It’s beautiful, Kenma thinks, but he can’t remember the last time he wore a yukata, that he’s not so sure if he’ll ever wear it.

“It’s beautiful,” Kenma says quietly. His mother lets out a breath she’s been holding. “I’ll write a letter to thank them.”

“Oh, put it on!” his uncle calls.

“Um,” Kenma stalls.

“Just put it on over your clothes, we should make sure it fits,” his mother tells him.

He stands and wraps the garment around himself, shrinking into himself as everyone inspects him.

“It looks really good on you,” Kuroo tells him.

“It does!” his aunt confirms, tugging at the fabric where it’s hung up on his shorts underneath.

Having earned approval, he removes the yukata and returns it at neatly as he can to the box.

“You two going to go upstairs and hang out in Kenma’s room?” his dad asks.

“If that’s alright. I don’t want to interrupt family time,” Kuro says politely.

“Oh, Tetsurou, you’re practically family yourself. I’ll call you back down when your aunt and uncle are ready to leave, though, for goodbyes.”

“Okay. Thanks, Dad,” Kenma says, grateful that his dad has spared him some sort of charades-like game like the last time his cousins were here.

When they get to Kenma’s room, Kuroo instructs him to sit down and close his eyes.

“Are we seriously doing this?” Kenma huffs.

“Yup! Now, no peeking.”

Kenma sits on his bed and closes his eyes. “If you don’t hurry up, I’ll just fall asleep.”

“Hang on!”

Hearing clicking and typing from his computer, Kenma cracks an eye open. “What are you doing on my computer?”

“Oi! I said no peeking! Just trust me, ok? I’m not hacking your accounts or whatever. It’s good, I promise.”

“Fine, but if I find anything weird, I’m blaming you.”

“That’s fair, but unnecessary. Okay, you can look!”

Kuro steps away from the computer screen, and Kenma recognizes the formatting of the fanfic site.

“Kuro, what…”

“I had a fic commissioned for you!” he announces like he’s expecting praise.

“You… you commissioned a fic? How did you even…”

“Okay you’re totally welcome to smack me, but I snooped on your history a little and found an author and ship you had looked at a lot of and asked the author to write something for you.”

Kenma approaches the screen, smacking Kuro lightly on the arm as he walks past him. He’s curious as to what kind of fic Kuro could possibly have commissioned. The ship is indeed one he’s been reading a lot of recently, having recently replayed Dragon Age: Inquisition.

He skims the tags—college AU, roommates, pwp—and decides that it looks interesting enough to read, especially since Kuro paid for it to be written, and—Kenma freezes.

And promptly bursts into a fit of giggles.

“You commissioned _Oneshot_Hero_ for this?” Kenma gets out between gasps of laughter.

“Why are you laughing so hard?” Kuro asks, confused. “I mean, they said they didn’t know the ship, but I figured they could—“

“It’s Shouyou. You—“ he cracks up again, unable to complete his sentence.

“Shrimpy? What’s he got to do with—“

“You commissioned Shouyou,” Kenma finally says. “You paid Shouyou to write porn for me.”

“Shrimpy writes _porn?_ Wait. _Karasuno’s_ Shrimpy?” Kuro asks, eyes wide and a mixture of disbelief, shock, and impending laughter dance across his features.

“Yup,” Kenma says. “Since middle school, though I think it’s only been really _porn_ recently.”

“Holy shit. Does he know it was me who commissioned him?” he asks, as though _that’s_ the worst part of this situation. “This isn’t what I wanted,” he whispers in mortification.

“I don’t think so. He mentioned someone had commissioned him, but I never imagined… _this_ ,” he giggles, gesturing at the screen again.

“I’m… I was trying to do something different. I’m sorry I made it weird. But how was I supposed to know?!”

“It’s okay, Kuro. Honestly. Shouyou’s a really good writer, actually. This is probably good, if I can ever get over the fact that my friend was paid by my other friend to write porn for me.”

“Oh my gosh, I’m never gonna live this down,” Kuro groans, burying his face in hands.

“You know what we have to do now, right?” Kenma says with a darkness that sends a shiver down Kuro’s spine.

 

 ***

 

Hinata is six emojis into a happy birthday text when he hears the Skype call ringtone.

_Applepi is calling…_

Kenma! Just who he wanted to talk to.

He readily accepts the call, happy to see his friend.

When the video loads, though, Kenma looks red-faced and strange.

“Hi Kenma! Happy birthday!” Hinata greets him. “Are you… uh…” Hinata trails off as Kenma bursts into giggles.

“Kenma?” Hinata asks, incredibly baffled. It’s not that Hinata’s never heard Kenma laugh, it’s just usually in response to something he’s said or done, and more of a quiet chuckle than the giggling mess that he is now.

“Kuro! Get over here, you promised,” Kenma says, waving his hand at something off-screen. “Hi Shouyou.”

“Hi. What’s up?”

“I want you to meet someone,” Kenma says, biting his lower lip in a futile attempt to stem his laughter. Hinata’s never seen anything quite like it.

Kenma snaps his fingers. “Get over here. C’mon, it’ll be short, I promise.” Turning back to the screen, he tells Hinata, “Sorry, give me a second.”

Confused, Hinata waits impatiently, trying to decipher the mumbles coming through his speakers.

A moment later, Kenma forces Kuro into his desk chair, pushing his shoulders down before perching his face on Kuro’s shoulder, too, as though to keep him there.

Another fit of giggles.

“Shouyou, I want you to meet ‘oho-ex-three’, your mysterious benefactor. Oho-ex-three, you remember Shouyou, don’t you?”

Confusion and something like fear lance through Hinata’s stomach. _Oho-ex-three…? The person who commissioned the fic?_

“It was _Kuroo?!_ ” Hinata exclaims as it clicks, though his disbelief is clear.

On the screen, Kuroo face-plants into the desk in front of him with a loud groan.

“Kenma?” Hinata asks beseechingly. “It… I didn’t know… I!”

“Relax, Shouyou. I’m not mad or anything. I honestly find this whole situation _hilarious_ ,” Kenma says happily, still giggling a bit.

Kuroo groans again.

“This is so embarrassing!” Hinata whines. “Now Kuroo knows, and—oh _no,_ please don’t tell Daichi-san! Or anyone! I’d probably be kicked off the team! Or, or—“

“Shouyou, relax. It’s okay; he won’t tell anyone,” Kenma says.

Slowly, Kuroo lifts his head back into frame. “I really won’t, Hinata. In addition to it being a huge dick move, imagine the position that puts me in.” Pitching his voice differently, he acts out a conversation. “‘Oh, Shrimpy from Karasuno writes porn!’ ‘Oho, and how would you know, Kuroo?’ ‘Well, you see, I commissioned him to write porn of video game characters for my friend!’ See how bad that sounds?”

“He won’t talk about it. He’s far too ashamed,” Kenma smirks. “And of course, I won’t talk about it either, though this is possibly the funniest thing that’s happened to me all year.”

“You are enjoying this _way_ too much,” Kuroo complains.

“No such thing. It’s my birthday; I can do whatever I like.”

“Can we please talk about something else? I mean…” Hinata pauses. “This is really awkward and also I wanted to talk to you today anyway because it’s your birthday, so let’s focus on that, right? Did you get my present yet?”

“No, not yet. It’ll probably come tomorrow; you only sent it yesterday, right?”

“Yeah! It took me longer than I thought it would to get everything ready, and I was…”

Kenma bursts into laughter again. “Busy writing the gay porn that Kuro paid for?”

“Kenma!” Hinata and Kuroo exclaim at the same time.

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll stop now.”

“I expect this kind of teasing from Bo, but from _you,_ Kenma… It’s brutal,” Kuroo says.

They finally start talking about something else—volleyball, of course—chatting and giggling at things _not_ related to smutty fanfiction, until Kenma’s dad calls him down to say his goodbyes.

When they hang up, Hinata feels like he’s deflating when he sighs.

 

Hinata Shouyou has a secret.

Well, okay, it’s not a _super_ -secret, but only two people, Kozume Kenma and _Kuroo Tetsurou_ , know about it.

And he hopes it stays that way.

**Author's Note:**

> this was SUCH. a joy to write. I was honestly cackling while writing some parts. I hope I gave you a laugh or two. 
> 
> find me on tumblr and ko-fi as ricekrispyjoints, if you're into that kind of thing


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